#blacklivesmatter

i’m embarrassed

because i am strong and resilient and I have pride in my lineage

of strong beautiful black men and women (and white, and indigenous….and much more)

who are surivivors

and who thrived

and I’m embarrased

to be so afriad

and have an anxiety attack driving in my car

when the flashing red and blue lights appear

and i wonder will i walk away alive…

and then pull over in shaky relief to a grocery parking lot

when it turns out

the police lights weren’t for me

and I’m embarrased

to admit that

that…

fear

because the fear comes from the knowledge

that my life matters less

that i could never explain

or show

or exemplify

anything other then what my skin color says

to someone

who holds my life in pendulum balance

and i’m embarrased

that i mean less

much less

far less

to society

then someone

with lighter skin

and the same wit

the same smile

the same sharp mind

and eclectic taste for music

I mean less

because of who I was born to be

and it’s embarrasing to admit

for me.

I hope to overcome that

before it buries me.