I don’t know that I believe in the concept
the concept of the idea that something is waiting for you
something that you need but don’t know you need is waiting for you
and will approach you at the time you need it.
That something or someone is drawn inexorably towards you
pulling towards your soul
the idea feels to me like a reverse concept of revenge.
Revenge lies in wait,
watching you
marking you
waiting for that exact moment
to obliterate a piece of you
the soft underbelly that you left unprotected.
Either way
I felt a surge in my spirit
as I signed away the last vestiges of my former last name.
The name that has been passed down for generations
the name that covered all manners of sins and secrets
the name that was never ours
the name of the family that bought and owned whipped and chained sold and degraded ripped us apart from our roots and replanted us in barren soil.
I signed it away and became lighter
floating on a crystal clear river like a weightless feather
I took my new last name as I held the hands of my anscestors
and felt their breath on my shoulder
as they whispered, “Be Free, child. Shed our chains”
a name that i was forced to carry like the scars of the lash across our backs, now laying lifeless on the page.
I took up the name I chose
a name that reflects the kind of love that envelopes, supports,
and allows me to swell, grow, change, and be.
a name of intimacy and partnership and freedom.
And when I stepped out in the world with my new last name, I felt the subtle wind of revenge, and destiny united in time.
Rest well ancestors.