I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there / Become so tired, so much more aware / By becoming this all I want to do / Is be more like me and be less like you

Life can be so cyclical…

Like most teens, i was excessively angsty. So I clung to Linkin Park.

Turning up my speakers to almost painful levels and slamming my door against parental oversight.

Hindsight: I was anxious about the gnawing feeling of leering conformity.

A youthful misfit can be pardoned and even condoned, but as age advances, society beats the misfits most mercilessly.

I could feel in coming in my teenage bones, but didn’t yet have the mindset to chart my path accordingly.

Let’s none of us pretend adulthood is anything but trading childhoods annoying restraints for responsibilities heavy chains.

The past two months, in a haze of medication I found myself anxious all over again. the kind of biting, itching anxious that prohibits sleep, or true wakefulness, and leaves you fatigued.  I felt that same fear of the unsure future that my younger years provoked. It was like I had re-become that eccentric 15 years old who only found solace in the pages of a book, or bars of a song.

Thankfully- the removal of the medication from my life lifted the fog almost instantly. And it felt like life was breathed into my lungs, and the dark clouds of uncertainty no longer hung on my ears, blocking my visage.

A week later I learned Chester Bennington killed himself.

from one misfit to another I’m sorry.

I’m sorry this world pummels and ostracizes the sensitive and colorful souls that dare to take their anomalous virtues past childhood and spread that beauty and pain into the world.