He stood on the shore and watched me drown.
That was the first time I understood real pain.
The pain of water filling my convulsing lungs as they
squeezed, longing for air. But also, the pain of watching him
ambivalently wait on the shoreline.
I can only imagine the view.
It must have been a spectacular dusk, with orange and pink tongues
of sunfire licking up, and reflecting off the waves.
He maybe could see a distant silhouette of a peninsula with palm trees
jutting out into the darkening water.
Terror gripped me when I realized
he wasn’t coming for me.
He didn’t rescue me, because he didn’t want to.
He would claim it was because he didn’t know I was
Then I knew what love isn’t.
“Someday someone won’t be afraid of how much you love. They won’t stay on the shore; they’ll meet you in the depths–you weren’t made for shallow waters, your heart is an ocean, ”